I scroll through Reddit and play on their games. I skip all my meetings and never get laid When my boss calls me up, I've always got flu. And I spend half my time scrolling memes on the loo What am I?

I’m just like you, but quite inert, slap my ass, and your hand might hurt

Some people have a lot and some people don't.. Some people start with it, but lose it. Some will say they were close but missed it by a

I'm not number one and I'm not number three, sit on a throne and below I will be. What am I?

I am known for smelling, but I do not stink. You might blow me.